dreamsofthewyrd (dreamsofthewyrd) wrote,

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Late night musings

So, with a little help from Jackson, I think I've determined what part of my problem is with this guy I have a crush on: he reminds me way too much of Matt. Now, you would think that would be a negative, but it hasn't so far. Which leads me to a conclusion that is a bit uncomfortable, but understandable: I still have feelings for my ex-husband.

I still miss some of the talks Matt and I used to have, especially the ones where he would actually listen to what I had to say and respected me. Towards the end that respect seemed to drift away a little, so it was easier to avoid such intimacies. I miss his quirkiness and even his anti-social behavior made me smile sometimes - when I wasn't wanting to strangle him for it, that is. He is a good man, and I miss him.

So now this guy turns up who has a similar body-type, similar arrogance, and similar life attitudes (though Matt mellowed a little as the years went on). He really reminds me of a younger Matt, one who hasn't had all of the edges rubbed down a little. He even has a similar life-situation going for him.

Now, don't get me wrong, he is definitely his own person, and I can see that. There are many things about him that are definitely a lot easier to deal with than Matt ever was. However, I now know the root of my extreme obsession with him. And knowing that, I feel it lessening to a great extent. I stil want to be friends with him and definitely wouldn't mind something more, but I don't feel the need to see and/or chat with him everyday, to wonder how he's doing, etc.
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