I'm too damn old to be angsting over a guy. Either he likes me and there's potential there or he doesn't. Still, feeling that old familiar feeling of being strung along is not fun. Not that he's doing that necessarily, just that is what I feel like. I mean, Jesus, we've only really known each other for a few months and only on a personal level for a week. What can I expect in that amount of time? Where has all of my patience gone? Why is he driving me this crazy? What is it about him that is so enticing? so infuriating? so fucking sexy I'm having dreams of him every night? Am I going mental?
Sometimes I wish I could be the mechanical beings that so many men I know can be. Turn on the logic and turn off the emotions. Instead, I feel overwhelmed with feelings, swirling around like mosquitos. I know the people who are totally logical will tell me just to decide to ignore them, but I've grown up around that lot all of my life, and I simply can not. Every time I do, they just stamp themselves down until they burst out in a fit of insane crying, laughing, or something worse.
If you've managed to read this far, then I must apologize for the stupid whining. I'm not really in that bad of a state, but if I don't talk about that spot inside of me that makes me dizzy every once in a while, it grows so out of preportion that it takes over my life. I don't want that right now. I've got a lot going for me with wonderful partners, a decent job, and future plans that actually look possible. I just find myself fixating on something again, and I need to let it go for now. Not that I won't pursue it in my own fashion. It just doesn't need to be the center of my emotional life.